Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
