he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
