he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
