His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
