You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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