Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
