Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
