either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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