i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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