He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize