I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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