When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
