My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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