honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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