i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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