my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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