I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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