I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
