it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
