Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
