What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
