I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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