so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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