Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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