so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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