my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
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Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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