Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
