Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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