the new term for farting is butt boxing.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
