I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
