Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
