just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
