after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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