Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
