We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
