So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
