I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A+ Viking dick
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
