Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
