so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
