I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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