my phone needs a breathalizer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
