Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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