i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.