Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.