I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.