no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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