I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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