I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
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i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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