You work out of a Hotel?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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