I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
