So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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