I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
