Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
