So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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