Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
