he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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