There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
