At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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