I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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