There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
