I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
