I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
