Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
