I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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