Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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