Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
