billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
