the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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