Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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