my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
