I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
