The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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